The attached image was my assignment for my creative writing class.

The following is what I wrote in the 20 minutes we were given.

So this was it. The end. Buried alive. Silence. Darkness. Completely alone. Was he the first victim? The hundredth? Did it even matter at this point? How much dirt was above him? He heard it hitting the surface of the capsule. He heard it getting quieter as more piled on.

His fingers felt the contours of the gun. His hands shook. Some sick experiment. Only one bullet. How would he use it? Try to shoot through the capsule and dig to freedom? What if the bullet didn’t pierce the capsule? His tomb. Was it better to fight and risk a slow agonizing death? Or to end things quickly.

There’s no terror like being buried alive. Did his screams even break through this coffin? Could anyone above hear him? Would they even help if they could?

How long did he have before his air ran out? Time was surely running out. Flailing, punching, screaming, it wasn’t helping, but he couldn’t stop himself. He didn’t want to die. Certainly not like this.

It seemed the air was getting thin. Or was that just his imagination? The fear. Either way, time was running out. He needed to make a decision.

The gun felt heavy. But he had made his decision.

His and shook as he raised the gun slowly.

Time seemed to stretch forever.

He pulled the trigger.

For my Creative Writing and Storyboarding for Games class, we had to draw the main character and villain for a game.

So I drew one of the main characters for my planned game.

This is Lucy and you might guess that it is a representation of me.

I’m a horrid artist, so =C

And yes, I’m well aware that his eyes are crooked =CCC

In my written analysis class, we had to write a letter to a potential employer to explain why we should get the job. We could make up any company we wanted.

So I wrote this.

[EDIT]It occurs to me that my hand writing is terrible. Here is the translation:

“Greetings, Space Rainbows Intergalactic.

     I am very excited at the notion of Anubis-dancing with your staff of tap-dancing, plaid-painted, flaming-chainsaw-juggling bears on your mobile planet-car-company, The Neon Zombie Orbital Moon-Star Inc.

     I have been training for this position for 33 eons. For 83 hours a day, I tickle starving lions with rice cakes, just to prepare for this career.

     Ever since I was just a tadpole in the Swamp of Despair, back on my home planet, I have dreamed of one day being on your team. I hope you will consider me for your company. Thank you for your time.”[/EDIT]

In one of my classes, the instructor put a step by step tutorial on the projector for drawing Link. He told us to draw a different face and our own design for the shield. So I drew this.

Here’s a bunch of old high school doodles I did.. They each require an explanation, but I don’t feel like writing them right now..

For now, the Hamlet drawing is about how weird it is that pirates return Hamlet to his home safely in the play

The characters with keyholes are Locks and are members of an animation community called the Lock Legion, from which my character is named Spork Lock. I’m too lazy to explain that further.

I have no idea why I wrote “the nun is a whore”. Apparently I’m retarded..

And uh.. yeah. I was weird. Still am, really.

So um.. I made a thing a couple weeks ago..

Also, for some reason I start almost every one of my posts with “So uh..” or “So um..”

I wonder why I do that… Lack of creativity, I guess.

Also, fuck religion.

Because numerous years ago, I made a skin for it and it appears to still be on the winamp.com website.

I’ve been meaning to post it for a while now, but I only just now got around to it.

So if anyone’s interested, here it is:

http://www.winamp.com/skin/dimebag/146318

Sorry, it kinda sucks. It’s the only winamp skin I ever made..

So because I can pretty much guarantee this will be a long post, here’s an index of what’s ahead:

1. Why did I make this stuff?

2. What is the Lock Legion?

3. My history with the Lock Legion.

1. Why did I make this stuff?

I was in a class called Instructional Design. We were supposed to come up with a game (but not actually make it) and then do all sorts of things to promote our fictional game, such as make a poster advertisement, a pamphlet, design a website (but not actually make it), and create a 5-10 slide power point aimed at potential sponsors to convince them to sponsor our game.

The pictures above (from top to bottom, left to right) are:

1. The logo of my game.

2. Side one of my pamphlet (I just noticed I have the panels placed wrong.)(Left panel is the front, middle panel is the back middle panel, and the right panel is supposed to be the back panel, but looking at it now, there’s no way that page could be folded to have the front panel in the front and the back panel in the back.. wow, I’m retarded..)

3. Side two of my pamphlet. (Left panel is inside front panel, middle panel is inside middle panel and right panel is inside right panel, again, this couldn’t possibly be folded correctly D=)

4-9. Slides of my power point aimed at potential sponsors in order.

If you take the time to read all of the text, I still laugh when I read it. I know it’s frowned upon to laugh at your own jokes.. but I don’t care XD

Also, I went a little (emphasis on little) above and beyond and actually made the website and the game. And it appears to even still be up, which means my one year subscription hasn’t expired yet =D To see it, go here: http://SLAAAG.freehostia.com

2. What is the Lock Legion?

The Lock Legion, in brief, is a Flash animation community targeted at making animations for Newgrounds.com. Let me see if I can sprint through a history..

It all began when a member on Newgrounds, whose username was StrawberryClock, began submitting crap to the Newgrounds portal. At some point some Flash artists who hated the guy gathered together and started a Flash group called the Clock Crew as a joke to mock this user. People who joined this community selected an inanimate object (usually a fruit or a vegetable) and then put a clock on it to serve as a face. Eventually it became a serious Flash community that now uses Strawberry Clock as their mascot/god.

A while later, a new group of Flash artists who hated the Clock Crew gathered together to form a new Flash community to mock the Clock Crew. They called themselves the Lock Legion. They used the same concept except used a keyhole for a face instead of a clock. Here again, the Lock Legion eventually became a serious Flash community.

Over the years, many people have created new Flash communities out of hatred for the Clock Crew and the Lock Legion. Some of them turn into legitimate Flash communities for a while, but almost of them(In fact, I think actually all of them have, now) quickly disappear. The Clock Crew and the Lock Legion are the only two groups that have continued to hold onto their existence.

3. My history with the Lock Legion.

The Lock Legion was formed sometime (I think) around August of 2003. I joined it on January 1st, 2004 as Spork Lock. Over time I switched my name more times than any other member (though I can’t speak for the last year or two). After a while, I got bored with the name Spork and changed to Guitar Lock. But after a while I found a guitar to be too difficult to animate, so I changed to Torture Lock. I was unable to come up with a design idea for the abstract concept of torture, so I remained a grey sphere with a purple keyhole. After a while I decided I didn’t want to be a grey sphere anymore (there were a lot of other grey spheres at the time) so for some reason I decided to be Psychotic Lock. Once again I had no ideas for a design, so a fellow member (Arrow Lock) designed a character for me. What he designed was a sphere with one jagged horn and a jagged design on the sphere. I recolored it to be a grey sphere with a black jagged design and a black and red striped horn. I also added a spinning spiral inside the keyhole. I used this character for a long time. But of course I eventually grew tired of an abstract name and yet another character that was just a grey sphere (albeit with a few extra details thrown in) so I switched to Clown Lock. At this point I decided I didn’t want to be an active member anymore and that I just wanted to lurk. I never did actually design a character for Clown Lock. But I decided I wanted to come back to the community and, of course, I wanted a new name. Except this time I knew I’d already made a ton of names, I wanted to go back to a previous name I had used. After a few weeks of trying to decide between Spork and Psychotic, I ultimately went back to Spork. And so I remained to this day. It was under Spork that I was the most productive and Spork has remained the name I have used for the longest time.

Sometime a while back (perhaps 2 years ago already?), I was feeling particularly emo after having been badgered to get a job constantly for so long that I decided to completely stop doing any of the things I enjoyed, including making music, playing the guitar, making animations, learning programming languages, etc. I also left the Lock Legion. I decided I wouldn’t do anything I enjoyed anymore until I got a job.

Weeeell.. It’s like 2 years later and I still pretty much haven’t made any attempt to get a job.. But I also still haven’t gone back to the Lock Legion, haven’t touched Flash and have hardly done any of the things I used to enjoy doing.

And so ends this massive tale that none of you actually care about and that none of you even read.

But if any of you were insane enough to have read all of this and you’re curious to know more or see any of the things I’ve done, just ask or send a message or whatever the stuff is called here on tumblr and I’d be thrilled to show you. Nothing I’ve done is actually any good, really, but of course I’d be happy to feel like anyone cared. Particularly after spending 3 and a half years with a girl who didn’t even bother to even look like she gave a fuck..

/The end.

Necroscatophile by Smegma Parfait

I just finished my new song for my (joke) band Smegma Parfait! I may have to mess with the track levels a bit more, but all in all I think it’s done.

For those of you unfamiliar with my band, it was inspired by an online friend’s song (found here: http://sheezyart.com/art/view/1582165/) and also by this music video that this same friend also showed me: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyPhGwr8L-c

I found the music hilarious and wanted to emulate it. And so Smegma Parfait was born. The first song I created was Cancer and AIDS (which you can hear on my MySpace band page by clicking the source link on this post). I created numerous other songs but none quite reached the glory of that first song.

It’s been a long time since I made a new song for Smegma Parfait and I felt compelled to create this one. This song marks the first song on Smegma Parfait’s second album. I hope you “enjoy” XD

Note: I’d like to add, this is in no way a serious band and in no way should you assume this is the limit of my abilities. This is, however, what you should expect to hear anytime you come across Smegma Parfait. Any serious music I make will be under a completely different band name. And speaking of that, I have probably 10 different bands planned, most, if not all, with serious music planned. Just don’t know when I’ll ever get to it..