Doing these because fuck you, that’s why.
Blue: What song do you listen to when you’re feeling down?
I tend to listen to My Dying Bride or Swallow the Sun when I’m down, which isn’t the greatest because it just really keeps me feeling down. If I want to stop feeling down, I’ll put on happier music, like Van Halen or something to try and pull myself out of it.
Cup: Do you drink Tea or Coffee?
I don’t drink either. I hate the smell of coffee. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t like it if I drank it. I’ve tried some kinds of tea before, no idea what they were, but I didn’t care for them. Can’t really explain why.
English: How many languages can you speak?
Just English. I took 3 years of Spanish in high school but didn’t pay much attention. I can only recognize a few words now. I’ve always wanted to learn Japanese and German. I’ve started trying to learn Japanese a little bit, but I still can’t really do anything with it. I can read hiragana now, though. I can’t write all of it yet, though.
Fear: Tell us three fears.
Living and dying alone (a thing I now believe I will have to endure. There’s no evidence this won’t happen to me.)
Having a full time job. (I have a great many hobbies and not nearly enough time to do any of them. To me, having a full time job means sacrificing everything I enjoy and wanted to accomplish, just so that I can make pocket change. I view having a job as being the end of my life. And I am in desperate need of having a job now, so I’ve been pretty stressed out and depressed lately as a result.)
Those two things are by far my biggest nightmares. My greatest fears. And I’m forced to live them.
For a third fear, I can’t really think of anything. Those two things are so severe that anything else just seems like nothing.
Game: What was the last board game you played?
I have no idea. Monopoly, maybe? I haven’t played a board game in a very long time.
Harry Potter: What was the last book you read?
Darth Plagueis, I believe.
Injury: Have you ever walked into a glass door?
Not that I can recall.
Jump: Do five jumping jacks/star jump.
Kiss: Who’s your biggest celebrity crush?
Emma Stone, I guess. She just seems so much like the sort of girl I’d want to date.
Love: Do you believe in marriage?
Yes and no. I believe marriage should be a life-long thing. That you should not marry someone if there is even the slightest chance you could ever get divorced. To me, marriage should never be a temporary thing. I honestly believed with everything inside me that I would be with my ex forever. It never occurred to me that we wouldn’t be. I had intended to marry her. Then she left. To the last day of our relationship, I believed we’d be together forever. I feel now that I don’t think I could ever really trust anyone again enough to marry them. I was with my ex for 3 and a half years and she walked away. I don’t think I could ever trust anyone not to walk away again. Even if I loved them. Even if they claimed they loved me. I’ll never have another girlfriend, the world has made it clear it isn’t interested in me (except for 15-16 year olds for some reason). But even if I found someone to love who claimed to love me, I think I’d always expect them to walk away, too.
Money: What would you do with 1 million dollars?
I think I’d use it for a lot of smaller things (relatively speaking). I’d get the Samsung Galaxy S4 in the 64gb internal storage size with a 64gb SD card. I’d get a new 4tb external hard drive. I’d get a flat screen monitor to use as a second screen with my laptop. I’d get a small house near the edge of a medium sized town, perhaps, so that I wouldn’t be in the thick of chaotic roads and masses of people, but still close enough to walk into town if I wanted to. I’d have a sound-proof room installed so I could have a music room to play my guitar without pissing off the neighbors. I’d look into getting an electric car like the Nissan Leaf to see if it would be viable for me (I really want a fully electric car, but they have a very limited range and recharging is a bit of a lengthy process and would require a place to charge, which doesn’t really exist here yet.) I’d get some super fast internet and a big screen HD tv. I’d get the latest video game systems and maybe a couple of games (don’t really know of any I actually want right now). After that, I’d just live off the rest so I wouldn’t have to get a job. At least not for a long time. Or a while.
Naughty: Tell us three things that your parents disapprove of?
My not having a job is the really major one for my dad. My long hair, again from my dad. All the games and “cartoons” (anime, Metalocalypse, whatever) that I watch/play. Oh, the fact that I’m atheist. My dad hates that. My mom is hyper religious and insists I will find god in time. But at least she’s stopped trying to force it on me.
Oops: What is one thing you’d like to change/fix?
Everything. There’s pretty much nothing I’m happy with. I’m miserable and alone. I have horrible fucked up teeth. Acne and acne scarring, especially on my back. I have no muscle to speak of. I’m horribly out of shape. I’m the pickiest eater alive. I’m stuck with my shitty family due to a fear of having a job. I can’t play the guitar like I always wanted to. I can’t program to save my life, which I’m supposed to be doing right now if I ever want to get paid for making games. I don’t know Japanese like I wanted to. I’m just this horrible waste of space. I’m lazy, I procrastinate, I’m spoiled. I could list shit forever. If I could do my life over, there’s basically nothing I’d do the same. Except for have long hair and wear all black, I guess. And the music I listen to, except I would have started right from the beginning and I’d have a lot more of it and I’d have seen the bands I love when I still could have (Pantera). I wouldn’t have dated my ex. I would have been proficient with the guitar before I even got to high school. I would have learned a bunch of languages, programming, I would have tried to be a skilled artist. I would have done everything different. My life has just been 25 years of worthlessness, wrong decisions, pain, brokenness, just.. sigh..
Picture: Post a pic of your lovely face.
I’m in desperate need of a shower, so no.
Quality: Name three of your favorite blogs.
These days, I don’t care about anyone’s blog. Everyone posts spoilers to the shows I watch. They’re all run by people who don’t talk to me, or who maybe have a little but stopped. I might as well not exist to 99.99% of them. The one or two people on tumblr who do give any kind of shit about me are people I don’t interact with on tumblr. I go to tumblr now mostly to look at porn. Because that’s the only thing I can count on from tumblr now. Even though it’s depressing to be constantly reminded of what I’ll never see, have or feel again.
Rapunzel: Name three Disney movies that you adore.
I haven’t watched a Disney movie in ages. I always liked Robin Hood. Wall-E was good. I don’t know, I lost interest.
Star-sign: When’s your birthday?
Teacher: What do you aspire to be?
I don’t aspire to be anything. I’m only interested in accomplishing things. Learning things, doing things, making things. I want to make music, animations, games, stories, art. I want to learn lots of world languages. I want to play with and see new amazing tech. I want to watch movies and tv shows and anime. I want to read manga and start getting into reading books. I want to play games. I’d like to not be alone when I do..
Unite: Do you sponsor a cause?
I have no money, so I can’t. I saw the SOPHIE Lancaster foundation a while back and wished I could support that. I also saw Kevin Smith’s Wayne Foundation and wanted to support that.
Varsity: Do you play/watch sport?
I hate sports.
Xylophone: Do you play an instrument?
I used to play the guitar. But I became too busy with school work when I started attending ITT. I’ve pretty much not touched my guitar since I started there. Now that I graduated with my 4 year degree, I still can’t play. Now it’s because all my gear is in the basement and the basement is infested with box elder bugs, which I just can’t handle.
Yellow: What’s your favorite color?
Black with red as an accent color.
Zoo: What is your favorite animal?
Cats. All cats. Big cats, domestic cats.